11/5/25

Recently, it has became much too obvious that my job of being an Instacart/DoorDash/Shipt shopper/driver is no longer a fit for the life I am building.

A big part of this realization was that some of my old traumas were made fresh again and in more painful contexts, causing me to repeat some defaults I had evolved from.

This prompted me to make some big adjustments. To help me with them I decided to go back into therapy to work on my traumas differently and better than I ever had before.

EMDR is one such method, so I found a therapist in my insurance’s network who utilizes it. After a few sessions to gain familiarity with each other while establishing the support I am seeking for everything I’m looking to achieve, we began EMDR.

After three sessions of EMDR she wound up getting moved to exclusively working with children in the clinic. Thankfully she referred me to another therapist in the clinic who also is EMDR certified to at least see if she was a fit.

After verifying that she’s covered by my insurance, I made an appointment. Thankfully, it has turned out that she’s also a great fit for me.

Since then we’ve been establishing a rapport and getting current with everything in my life and goals before getting back into EMDR.

In a recent session we began working through the book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, written by Sean Covey, published in 1998. Sean is the son of the author Steven R. Covey, the author of the original 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, published in 1989.

My therapist utilizes the teen version with some adult clients because it’s more life situation-centric than work/business related. She also likes its actionable steps after each chapter, and that it has many things some adults should have at least learned as teenagers, which helps make it easier to best therapeutically translate those habits into usable skills in adulthood.

The seven habits are the same as in the original book. After they’re established in chapter one in the teen book, there’s some additional commentary about habits. Chapter two is about principles and paradigms, and ends with a note on the value of baby steps.

From that chapter, Sean Covey ends each chapter with ten baby steps the reader can begin doing immediately. My therapist asked me to choose one from the first five baby steps to do before our next session the following week.

Those first five baby steps are, verbatim from the book:

1. The next time you look in a mirror, say something positive about yourself.

2. Show appreciation for someone’s point of view today. Something like, “Hey, that’s a cool idea.”

3. Think of a limiting paradigm you have about yourself. Such as “I’ll never be outgoing.” Now, do something that contradicts that paradigm.

4. Think of a loved one or close friend who has been acting out of character lately. Consider what might be causing them to act that way.

5. When you have nothing to do, what is it that occupies your thoughts? Remember, whatever is most important to you will become your paradigm or life center. What occupies my time and energy?

The one I chose was to identify limiting paradigms.

I thought it would be the best one for where I’m at and where I want and need to go. She agreed.

In the week between sessions, I realized 17 limiting beliefs, none of which surprised me, and I doubt will future ones will either.

I’ve been compiling them in a document. It is not just a listing of them. What I’m doing is mentioning each limiting belief, followed by its history and how I feel about it and how I can learn from them to change them for the better.

For well over a decade my self awareness was a one of my main points of pride. This exercise is helping me understand that, while I am self aware and it took a lot of effort to get here, it’s still not enough to be at a consistent level that will help me get closer to the aspirations I have for my life.

I am now up to 22 limiting paradigms, and there are still probably more. I remember a younger version of me who would be bothered by there being twenty two and more to be realized. I’m more bothered that I’m not further along. But in the reality of my how my life has gone, and that’s expecting too much and too soon.

In case it’s not obvious, yes—unrealistic and unhealthy expectations is one of the 22. Maybe less obvious is that I am really enjoying this exercise.

This is absolutely something I will be doing for the rest of my life. Not because it’s fun but for how its enabled me to get out of my own way better than I have in a very long time, which is catnip for someone who craves challenges and continuous improvement.