Word To Ponder: Skank
Calling a woman a skank is ill-advised, so don't be surprised about anything that comes your way from it. Begging off while thinking you can convince her you’re referring to the style of dance for reggae or ska music won’t work either.
The problem I have with this word is how laden it is of judgment. Not just with how others use it, but even the way the word is defined. “One who is considered to be sexually promiscuous, especially of a woman” is rife with assumptions.
A woman scantily clad is enough for some to conclude she is easy to bed. Some women may be inappropriately dressed, but isn’t necessarily an indication of how many sexual partners she's had or will have.
How could someone be "considered" sexually promiscuous? Being a flirt, perhaps? A woman who is a scantily clad flirt could be assumed to be sleeping around or have many sexual partners. Still, the picture is incomplete.
I've known plenty of women who simply enjoy and appreciate the attention they receive when they doll themselves up, revealing clothing or not. Some are a tad naïve in their hopes and/or expectations of men around attractive women.
A woman saying they're not interested to a man expressing interest should be enough. The men who can't take that simple statement for what it is will assume the woman is playing hard to get because of how she's dressed.
The kindest rejection is still rejection and an affront to some men's manhood, and the true selves of those men may come out. Mean and hurtful rejections can begin or escalate a negative situation for all involved.
A woman's lively, buoyant personality could also be misinterpreted. Loudness in voice, apparel, or both could be seen as insecurity or someone who is quite sexually active. It could also confuse what is real versus an act.
For decades, there has been the idea of studs and sluts. Meaning, a man who has had sex with lots of women is a stud, and a women who has had sex with lots of men is a slut. I think it's because women are the more intelligent gender and a man just wants what will make him happy in a moment sans big picture.
When a woman lowers herself to a man’s typical mentality, she may not be completely in touch with herself. Women are emotional beings that need to feel a true connection to someone before being intimate, even for a kiss. Chivalry has been utilized for many years to cater to women’s unique emotional needs and give them the security they need and deserve to feel.
Women who are in tune with themselves can spot a ruse masquerading as a chivalrous man with good intentions. A women not in touch with herself could wind up sexually promiscuous. Let me make this clear: a woman who has had many loving relationships is not a skank.
Even if a women is sexually promiscuous, I still abhor the word skank. Assumption is wrong and unfair and doesn't belong, even in this ever non-fair world. Everyone has beauty and a unique journey towards it. For someone to not realize all their potential and waste it on anything below a high standard is heartbreaking.
Someone who is broken needs compassion and empathy, not long stares and dirty looks or other forms of judgement. Something is not right within their soul that caused them to sleep around, drink and/or do drugs to excess, eat their feelings into long term health concerns, etc.
I hope I will live to see the day where snap judgments are rare, and people invest in each other to lift each other up instead of tear each other down. We gain nothing, but highlight our own insecurities, and it needs to stop.
The word skank and its related connotations is just the example I chose to use to make this over-arching point: everybody should feel they have a chance to be their best selves without worrying about others tearing them down about the journey it is taking to get there.
Our Mom
Who doesn’t love their mom? In some regard, I’d bet everyone has love for their mother. At minimum, there should be an appreciation for at least having carried and given birth. Now, that doesn’t mean a lifetime of love and respect is earned, but making sure a healthy baby is born is a very difficult responsibility. My heart will always go out to those whose mothers couldn’t lay off anything unhealthy while pregnant. I’m forever grateful my mom realized that responsibility and made sure I was brought into the world healthy.
I’m not going to pretend my mom and I didn’t have issues. Our ancestors gifted us the lovely trait of stubbornness, which made my teen and early adult years very difficult for both of us. At times I couldn’t decipher between her love and anger, but I’m lucky enough for her to still be around in order to gain a full circle perspective. The years of tumult we put each other through have resulted in a great relationship with each other. She still embarrasses me and drives me crazy at times, but it’s still just part of her charm. Despite the rocky road it was, she’s come a long way from thinking I needed a “mommy” and has made efforts to understand me as a man with boundaries, instead of the boy she was raising and protecting. I am grateful God gave me a mother who made sure I was well fed and clothed and showed me examples of what to do and what not to do.
Some of my favorite foods are sour or fermented, and it's no wonder why. During my mother's pregnancy, she often would crave these same things, specifically fresh squeezed lemonade and pickled beets. How do I know this? My curiosity compelled me to text her while she was at work. Her eagerness to share with me showed through in the verbosity of her message and quick response. She described how her pregnancy with me involved patronizing a place that sold fresh squeezed lemonade every day on her lunch hour while working at a mall. She also remembered many restless nights that were soothed by a visit to the fridge that always had a jar of pickled beets. She even told me what she craved three years later while carrying my sister.
When we were old enough to read, she regularly brought my sister and me to the library for us to borrow books for education and entertainment. We’d fill a huge tote bag with books as long as we promised to read them by the time we had to return them. She made us laugh with her commentary while watching television and what she thought our cats were thinking when they’d do, well, anything. She brought us to a variety of restaurants on Friday nights before we’d go grocery shopping, and it was quality time we looked forward to.
Our mom has followed her mother’s example of selflessness and generosity, despite her not always having much herself. Her ears and heart have not been shut for my sister and me, even when it wasn’t easy for her. There were many times her maternal instinct overrode logic, like remembering things I totally forgot and not being mad at me for not having this post done for Mother’s Day.
Whatever life presented to her, she always did the best she could with what she knew at the time. A surprise gift here and there for no occasion other than she loves her kids is still something she does, and also gives us things she no longer needs or uses. My sister loves it when she gets a call or text from mom for a random shopping trip. They never tire of those adventures, especially their yearly trip to one of their favorite destinations.
What made this year’s Mother’s Day different for our mom is that it’s the first one she had to spend without her mom; our grandma. She was a sweet and special woman who showed us all what love and family are about, giving us a high bar to match.
No matter the company name on the top of any of her paychecks, or a signature at the bottom, the job she loved the most was also the most selfless; being our mother. Through everything all our lives, and there has been a lot, we’ve never had to doubt who we came from or if we were loved. And that’s why we love our mom.
Word To Ponder: Impudent
Impudent means offensively bold or offensive, insolent or impertinent. A second meaning from the 1700s and earlier is immodest.
This word made me wonder why some people enjoy the blunt nature of an individual. Sure, some impudent people can be entertaining while saying what others keep to themselves. However, there is a danger in rewarding those who don’t exercise sensitivity and proper timing when speaking. Some of them can’t be helped and won’t care because all they’re doing is “being honest.” Again, it’s all about a time, place, and if it needs to be voiced.
There’s a reason all the best art in the world goes through phases before completion. Some art can be improvised, but even improvisation is a time-honed skill that a novice can’t pull off consistently, despite any beginner’s luck.
It’s a shame more people don’t look at what they say as artful expressions. I’ve been blunt. I’ve been reserved. I've been around plenty of examples of both, as we all have. There are many more times I’d love to take back what I said without thinking, whereas I’m proud of when I held back for better words or time.
The majority of impudence, fleeting or chronic, is a lack of reflection. Like anything worthwhile, reflection will not be easy at the outset. Not everybody will gift themselves any benefit of reflection in order to understand how they’re coming across. The tone of voice or delivery and body language is also something that must be exercised and reflected upon. Sometimes it’s just as or more important than what you say.
It saddens me when complacency stays with someone. Impudence has the non-reflective connotations which can impel a person to feel they’re not accepted for who they are. I would suggest the impudent person isn’t being rejected for who they are, but are rejected for not having a strong enough sense of themselves and manners overall.
Unhinged circumstances are only enjoyable in small doses for those who need to escape the realities of life. Not limiting impudence to small doses requires some digging in for a person who cannot, or refuses to, confront tough realities or situations.
I encourage you to confront yourself and be honest about your words and actions. Self-reflection will help remove your own impudence, thus strengthening your relationship with yourself and others. It won't be easy, but I promise it will be worth it.
Word To Ponder: Colonnade
A colonnade can be a row of columns supporting a roof. It can also be a row of trees or other tall objects. While I certainly love the natural beauty of rows of trees, I want to focus on columns that support a roof.
Structures large enough to necessitate supporting columns are impressive. Whether it’s a mansion or public venue, such magnificent architecture is met with awe. The amount and origin of awe depends on the person.
We all know people plagued with house intimdation while inside homes that have colonnades and other grand architecture. Others factor in how close or far away they are to buy or finance such a home.
No matter if it's a structure with colonnades, a luxury car, or private jet, I’ve always wondered why something expensive can make a person feel small. The ability to afford something should have nothing to do with having or lacking confidence.
Too many people are indebted to their insecurities of feeling poor or not making enough money. Living within realistic means should be something everyone strives for. Believe me, I’ve been there and enjoys nice things as much as anyone, but the limits of reality need to be instilled and adhered to.
The allure of making lots of money to over-compensate has been going on for hundreds of years. This world has seen millions of people sacrifice large parts of their honor and dignity for the sake of having more money and/or material goods. Current society shows us that this won’t change anytime soon; I would be happy to be proven wrong.
Money is only as good as what you do for it, with it, what it’s bringing into your life, and who you give it to. Be careful not to give ownership of what’s intended to be priceless: your integrity. What truly is most important in life to be happiest is quality relationships.
Don’t be intimidated by anything that costs a lot of money, including something so large it needs colonnades. Instead, be your own colonnade by focusing on what you need and who you care about, and who reciprocates it without judgment or material expectations.
End Limited
Fresh, full.
Deep and pure.
Vast and endless.
Hollow yet optimistic.
Expanding, while grass gets further away.
Contracting while gathering all you get,
Then know how grass feels.
Perspire to attain, bleed to know, cry when shunned.
Intuit, forward and upwards.
Trim to need, dispel noise.
Fulfilling should always happen when achieving.
Grass needs tending.
Knowing which to prosper and which to brown
Needs auditing through roots and water.
You are the sun, shine always.
Your field will show your diligence.
Is it dense with value?
Or is it too big for what you’ve grown?
Means to be lived within are never long.
The best it can be is all, it can be done.
The more you learn, limits are realized, and the
True meaning of what you need comes through.
Your end is limited, but will live on through
Who sees you do the most
With the least.
Phrase To Ponder: More Than You Know
Today I’ll deviate from a singular word to focus on a phrase I’ve heard a lot in my life.
When life hands someone the grace of assistance, telling the person or group their help means “more than you know” rings a little odd to me. Is there a false humility or embarrassment happening? Why leave it to the imagination how far the appreciation truly goes?
Don’t be shy; be honest to the extend of your truth. Expressing gratitude with a mere "more than you know" can be misleading. Leaving it to that person's or group's interpretation is short-sighted and lazy.
Too often, there are examples of the opposite: getting hurt and acting out, letting that person know exactly how they made you feel and perhaps going over the line.
Emotions can be strong when triggered, but is not an excuse for dishonest behavior in either direction.
Word To Ponder: Natter
To natter is to talk idly, or chatter.
Small talk seems to have those who love it and who despise it. There are people who love to talk with strangers about the weather and other fluff topics. There are also some who prefer to save all their socializing time for people they are close to so they may have an interesting and meaningful conversation. The middle ground is mostly for those who can natter, depending on the day or their mood. It can be as simple as saying someone is introverted or extroverted, depending on the atmosphere they are presently in.
My relationship with nattering is very extensive. Being in retail for decades, I understand small talk is a must. What I’ve experienced as a customer is people who don’t belong in retail due to social anxiety or introversion, or those that fake their way through the day. Putting on an act is fine enough, but it must carry some authenticity otherwise it ruins the experience for that customer.
There are individuals perfect for retail and selflessly serving others, though I worry if they find the time to care for themselves. That kind of selflessness can trickle into real life, or they are already selfless and found a job where they can be the same. Either way, balancing self-care with selflessness is key and different for everyone.
When working with people, you are bound to see some of the ones you serve when you’re in public. Then, there is a choice you need to make. Will you potentially be the same hollow “work” version of yourself, or will you decide to just be yourself? At that moment, whatever image you put out there is a representation of the company you work for. None of us may totally agree with it, but it’s just the way it is.
Though nattering seems mostly present in the workplace, its presence is also felt in our personal lives, specifically our families. I’d wager there is a large percentage of people who say family is an obligation, which breaks my heart. If a person is only engaging in small talk with their family, is there really a point spending time with them? The idea of being around people you don’t want to be is such a waste of life. Sharing blood shouldn’t equate to anything more, unless a true bond and affection for a relative is there.
Pay attention when you find yourself nattering, and not able to open up to someone. It is because they’re a stranger and you can’t trust them? If you’re at work, you’re not paid to represent yourself, so nattering can make a customer feel welcome. Be mindful of how you’re coming across, even if this means you’re hearing things you vehemently disagree with. This also goes for your co-workers. Just be the best teammate you can be in order to get the job done. Then, you can go about your life with the people you choose to be with, who can see through whatever nattering you had to do that day.
Word To Ponder: Peregrinate
To peregrinate is to travel or journey from place to place, especially on foot. As a transitive verb, its definition is to travel through or over; traverse.
Old fashioned, old school, and the way things were. In some cases, the way things should still be. That is what the word peregrinate got me thinking about today. Going for walks to get some fresh air and feel nature under your feet is still in fashion and an important part of one’s daily life. Doing so without the distraction of whatever one spills into their earbuds can bring the best results of a walk: a wonderful sense of calm and meditation.
But, when was the last time you walked to go somewhere, to run an errand? Or, when was the last time you had no choice but to do it on foot? Have you ever been there?
Sure, some of us live in neighborhoods where our vehicles are an option, but walk to a nearby convenience or grocery store for a few items light enough to carry back home.
My grandfather was the only boy of his family. When they all reached an age to begin learning responsibility and discipline, they were taught different roles. One of my grandpa’s roles as a boy, starting at 8 or 9 years old, was to go to the store while his dad was at work. He bought the food his mother deemed necessary for what they could afford for dinner. The lone vehicle the family had was his father's transportation for his job.
My grandpa was to get exactly what was on the list and bring back the exact change. If he dropped any of the groceries on the two mile trek back home, he would find his rear end difficult to sit on, no matter how noble his intentions. If he deviated from the list in any way, he was to walk back and rectify it. With money being tight, he had to quickly learn math to make sure the cashier made zero mistakes. When a mistake occurred, he’d have to go back and make it right, even if he got back more money than he should have. It was a very loving but strict household that saw everyone graduate to disciplined adulthoods with high integrity.
About a year or two after doing the store errands, my grandpa got his first job to contribute to the household income. His father had a recent handicap that required special assembly to his car to drive to his job, which sapped what little money they had saved up. His father could still do his job despite the handicap, and it was the same meager pay.
My grandpa’s first job was picking weeds and planting crops for one of the farmers who had some land all over the city. He walked about four miles one way to work a 10 hour shift for ten cents and hour. Once in a while, when she deemed it appropriate, his mom gave him a nickel to keep. His pride swelled each and every time he earned money for his family and himself.
My grandpa grew up to become one of the hardest working people I ever knew. He was a wonderful man who never let anything get in the way of providing for his family. Working up to four jobs at once to feed and shelter them was only part of it, he was also providing an example to live up to. The same could be said for his wife, my grandma.
She and her sisters walked everywhere as kids, including their first jobs. Just like her future husband, she picked weeds and planted crops in the fields of the farmers in the rural area they lived. In her later years, even before she recently died, she was still able to proudly identify the specific fields and what her and her sisters planted. Their salaries were for pennies an hour and also went towards the tight household finances.
My grandparents were an excellent couple who had four great people that became positive contributors to my life and the world. My mom and her siblings have and continue to be the best versions of themselves based on the examples their parents showed.
The sense of hard work and value of a dollar was ingrained in my grandparents very early. The fact they had to walk to run errands and to their first jobs gave them something else. If they were driven by vehicles to their jobs and to run errands, I believe their work ethic and value of a dollar would still have been there. Without the determination created by walking those miles, a sense of humility and a desire for independence would not have been so deep. Each of them grew up in large families, so walking also provided a necessary reprieve from the crowded houses they lived in.
So, what about you? What can represent peregrinating for you? The examples I gave of my grandparents were taught to them at young ages and they maintained it for the entirety of their lives and passed it down to their kids.
As we age, we never stop learning. Thus, we must keep looking for and finding what can keep us humble, hungry, and to never lose sight what the value of a dollar is and how it feels to earn something.
Cold
Not by choice, survival is why.
No benefit of the doubt, need more currency
Than you can afford.
Need your debt as proof but I’ll still need more to
Begin to thaw.
Face value is a lost art, or at least my reciprocation expectation
Is lost on me.
Why should I, why you wanna?
My depth is far from shallow
Without a net.
This is your only warning.
Bring your heat
To balance my cold.
Word To Ponder: Nascent
Something that is nascent is coming to existence; emerging.
What has emerged from you lately? What are you most proud of that has come from your hands, your mind? Do you focus on what you haven’t done well or begun to attempt? How often do you ask yourself these questions?
What do you aspire to do and how will you get there?
Reflection is healthy but must be done two-fold, the good and bad. Be the boss to yourself you've always needed, be the employee to yourself you'd never hesitate to depend on. Too many of us are caught up in our parental subconscious trappings, so a business approach can give us a fresher and more focused lens. Putting yourself in these roles removes the ability to blame others for when you don't live up to your aspirations.
Though it is difficult not to overthink and dramatize in this process, allowing emotions to interfere will throw off ones' system to develop their goals. Again, a business approach can be a great pathway for achieving this.
A grocery store I worked at had cashiers maintain a high standard of items scanned per minute. A couple middle-aged colleagues of mine would have liked to become cashiers. The job carried a four dollar an hour raise, something they surely could have used. As I got to know them, they told me they thought they were too old for the scans per minute and the other responsibilities cashiering entailed.
The items per minute was a challenge to achieve and maintain for everyone, but it was not impossible. The store displayed each cashiers' rate every week and we were to take notice of how they were able to achieve the threshold and maintain it.
Those two let their perceptions of being too old scare them away from at least trying. The sad part is they were two of the quickest baggers and best multi-taskers I worked with in my decade-plus at that store. Their age never slowed them down within the ten years I worked with them; it's a shame they limited themselves based on that factor.
There are authors who don't become published or successful until close to so-called retirement age. These people didn't all of a sudden become great writers, they just kept improving their craft and never gave up.
Whether it's age or experience, don't buy in to any limiting criteria from yourself or anyone. You are never too old for a nascent idea to realize a life once imagined.